Dr Tanu Jain
Chief executive officer Bareilly cantonment board Ministry of defence
It was around seven in the evening when I stepped into a gathering after a long time, ready to meet an old friend and immerse myself in light conversation. The air was festive, yet in one quiet corner of the room, a very different energy was unfolding. A voice, sharp and animated, was dissecting the character of someone who was not even present.
The tone was aggressive, almost surgical in its attempt to diminish. Accusations were thrown casually, judgments delivered confidently, as though truth required no verification. I stood there, listening not to the details, but to the intensity. Later, it quietly emerged that the words spoken were exaggerated, if not entirely untrue. And something within me paused. What compels a person to tear down another in their absence? Why does perception so often replace reality? Why do we feel the need to reduce someone else in order to feel expanded ourselves?
There is a subtle but dangerous assumption that if someone else shines, our own light dims. That if someone is perceived as “good,” another must be “lesser.” Yet life does not function like a seesaw of moral accounting. One person’s virtue does not manufacture another’s flaw. One person’s weakness does not certify someone else’s greatness. Still, the human mind loves comparison. It creates hierarchies where none exist and stories where none are needed. We rarely pause to ask: what is truly happening beneath the surface when someone spreads a rumour? Often, it is not malice in its pure form, but insecurity in disguise.
A sense of incompleteness that seeks comfort in contrast. It is easier to speak about someone else’s perceived failures than to confront one’s own unaddressed voids. It is easier to create narratives than to create self-awareness. Osho once said, “Nobody can say anything about you. Whatever people say is about themselves.” In that simple yet profound observation lies immense freedom. Words spoken in bitterness often reveal more about the speaker’s unrest than about the subject being discussed. When someone projects negativity outward, it is usually a reflection of an inward storm. This is not to say that harmful speech is harmless. Rumours wound.
Character assassination corrodes trust. But the solution does not lie in retaliation or counter-judgment. It lies in consciousness. If comparison is the root, awareness is the cure. We must begin by asking ourselves uncomfortable questions. Where do I feel inadequate? Where do I measure my worth against others? Where do I feel incomplete?
These silent spaces within us, if ignored, become breeding grounds for projection. When we refuse to sit with our own insecurities, we outsource them into conversations about others. Another line of Osho resonates here: “The moment you accept yourself, you become beautiful.” Acceptance dissolves comparison. When you are at peace with your own journey, another person’s success does not threaten you. When you acknowledge your own weaknesses honestly, you no longer need to camouflage them by highlighting someone else’s.
Working within is not a poetic suggestion; it is a practical necessity. Growth begins not with fixing others but with examining oneself. Identify your weaknesses with courage. Strengthen your gifts with dedication. Move out of comparison mode. The world does not require replicas; it requires authenticity. Perception is often tinted by emotion, ego, and past experiences. Reality, however, is usually quieter, subtler, and far less dramatic. The challenge is to train ourselves to respond to reality rather than react to perception.
Before believing or repeating a story, pause. Before forming an opinion, inquire. Before judging, reflect. If each of us committed to this inward discipline, how different our social spaces would feel. Conversations would become spaces of insight rather than arenas of subtle warfare. Reputation would be protected by responsibility. And dignity would not be sacrificed at the altar of insecurity.
Perhaps the most poetic truth is this: when you stop competing with the world, you begin completing yourself. And in that completion, there is no urge to diminish anyone else. There is only space — generous, calm, and luminous. The evening that began with sharp words ended with a quiet realization. We do not make the world better by proving others wrong; we make it better by becoming inwardly right. The real transformation is not in controlling narratives outside, but in purifying the voice within.
When perception bows to awareness, reality reveals itself gently. And in that gentle revelation, we discover that the greatest victory is not over another person — but over our own unconsciousness.