Why trying to be happy is making us miserable

January 19, 2026

Parneet Sachdev
Chairman of Real Estate Regulatory Authority and a leading author

Contemporary happiness research, particularly the global datasets compiled by the Gallup World Poll and synthesized in the World Happiness Report, shows that while average life evaluations have remained stable or modestly improved at a global level since the mid-2000s, several high-income societies exhibit stagnation or decline in subjective well-being, especially among younger cohorts (Helliwell, Layard & Sachs, 2024). The finding is striking not because happiness has vanished, but because it has become fragile—highly sensitive to comparison, expectation, and self-judgement.

THE HAPPINESS PARADOX

The deeper question, therefore, is not whether people are happy, but why the conscious pursuit of happiness so often produces its opposite?

At the global median, some measures of life evaluation have trended modestly upward over the last decade, with an increasing share of people rating their lives highly enough to be called “thriving.” Yet this aggregate pattern conceals critical fractures: in many high-income societies, especially among young people, life satisfaction and well-being have stagnated or declined, even as general indicators suggest improvement. In some cases, younger generations are expressing lower satisfaction with life than older adults, a reversal of historical patterns—suggesting that our pursuit of happiness may have become counterproductive.

THE HEDONIC TREADMILL AND PERFORMATIVE
HAPPINESS

Modern psychology offers an important clue. Decades ago, Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell articulated what later became known as the hedonic treadmill: human beings adapt rapidly to changes in pleasure and success, returning again and again to a baseline level of well-being (Brickman & Campbell, 1971). Neuroscience has since confirmed this insight at a biological level. Dopamine, the neurotransmitter most associated with reward, is not designed to produce sustained contentment. It spikes in anticipation and novelty, then quickly recalibrates. The brain is engineered for pursuit, not for permanent satisfaction.

In this light, the cultural instruction to “be happy” becomes psychologically perverse. It urges the mind to extract lasting fulfilment from a system that is neurologically incapable of providing it. When happiness is treated as an achievement rather than a state of harmony, the individual begins to monitor emotions constantly. The question we should ask ourselves is “Is my life meaningful?” Instead, we are programmed to ask “Am I happy enough?” This subtle shift transforms natural emotional fluctuation into perceived failure.

This is where performative happiness enters modern life. In an era dominated by visibility and social comparison, happiness is no longer merely felt; it is performed. Smiling faces, curated gratitude, and relentless positivity signal success in the social marketplace. Yet research in social psychology consistently shows that excessive emotional self-monitoring intensifies distress rather than alleviating it. When individuals believe they should be happy, negative emotions are experienced not only as pain, but as personal inadequacy (Ford & Mauss, 2014).
Unlike authentic well-being, which arises from depth of meaning, performative happiness depends on external validation. Instead of prompting inner reflection, it fuels comparison and anxiety.

THE ANCIENT WISDOM

Long before neuroscience articulated these mechanisms, spiritual traditions warned against precisely this error. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna describes a Sthitaprajna
“He who is not disturbed by sorrow, who does not crave pleasure, who is free from attachment, fear and anger, is called a sage of steady wisdom.”
-Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2, Verse 56

He describes the qualities of a person with Sthitaprajna, or steady wisdom, who achieves inner peace by transcending emotional reactions. Happiness here is conspicuously absent as a goal. What replaces it is alignment—a state in which the individual is no longer enslaved by emotional oscillation. The Gita does not reject joy; it rejects dependence on joy.

The Buddha articulated the same truth with radical clarity. He writes in the Dhammapada
“The craving of one given to heedless living grows like a creeper. Like the monkey seeking fruits in the forest, he leaps from life to life (tasting the fruit of his kamma)”

Dhammapada Ch 24, verse 334

The Buddha observes that craving is the root of suffering, not because pleasure is evil, but because clinging converts experience into bondage. Modern affective neuroscience echoes this precisely: the brain’s suffering circuits are activated less by pain itself than by resistance to pain. Acceptance dampens limbic reactivity; struggle amplifies it.Sikh spirituality also offers a psychologically sophisticated articulations of this principle through the concept of bhana manna; the active acceptance of Divine Will. In the Guru Granth Sahib, acceptance is not passive endurance. It is conscious alignment with reality as it unfolds. “In His Will is peace,” the scripture repeatedly affirms, not because circumstances are pleasant, but because resistance has ceased.

THE SOLUTION—INNER ALIGNMENT

This distinction is crucial. Acceptance, in its spiritual sense, is often misunderstood as resignation. In truth, it is the very opposite. Passive resignation says, “Nothing can be done.” Active acceptance says, “I see clearly what is, therefore I can act wisely.”
Contemporary psychology has rediscovered this insight through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which shows that psychological suffering decreases not when unpleasant thoughts disappear, but when individuals stop fighting them and re-engage with purposeful action (Hayes et al., 2012).The common thread across neuroscience, psychology, and scripture is unmistakable: peace emerges when the mind stops arguing with reality.

This is what may be called inner alignment—the state in which one’s perceptions, values, and actions are no longer at war with the present moment. Inner alignment does not guarantee pleasure, but it restores coherence. And coherence, not happiness, is what the nervous system interprets as safety. Importantly, this orientation does not diminish ambition or responsibility. The Gita’s doctrine of karma yoga—action without attachment to outcomes—is not an invitation to inaction, but to clean action. Likewise, Sikh acceptance of Bhana never negates effort; it purifies it. One works fully, but without the corrosive demand that reality must reward effort with happiness.
BEYOND PERFORMANCE: TOWARD A LIFE THAT IS ALIVE
Tools for happiness, when framed correctly, are practices of alignment. One such practice is non-resistant awareness—the deliberate naming of experience without judgement. Neuroscientific studies show that simply labeling emotions reduces amygdala activation and restores prefrontal regulation (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Another is purpose-anchored action, where effort is guided by values rather than emotional payoff. This mirrors both karma yoga and modern motivational psychology, which finds that intrinsic motivation sustains well-being more reliably than reward-driven striving.

A third, often neglected tool is deliberate reduction of comparison. Social comparison intensifies dissatisfaction even in objectively improving conditions. Reducing exposure to constant evaluative stimuli—especially digital—has been shown to improve mood stability and self-perception (Twenge, 2019).

Finally, the most powerful tool remains Meditation in Deep Surrender. This is a tool that is often referred to as Vibrant Celestial Meditation. Extracting the essence of our scriptures, this form of meditation allows the infinite energy of the Superconsciousness to act and restore the pristine balance inside. In a state of surrender to the divinity within, the awakening happens spontaneously. That stirring, accompanied by profound inner reactions is the most powerful tool of inner alignment.

The Bible says

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Matthew 6:33

This profound verse speaks of the journey to peace as an expedition to the inner realm and not to the outside world. How then do you seek the inner kingdom, the seat of the infinite Superconsciousness. In a state of letting go. As we surrender in meditation, the life force awakens.

These principles align with a growing body of psychological research indicating that mindset and meaning often shape well-being more than circumstances alone.

Happiness is not a goal to chase; it is a landscape revealed when resistance falls away and acceptance opens the heart.

(Views expressed are the author’s own).